About

Since self-introduction is de rigeur for blogs, who am I to try and buck the trend? I’m an ex-pat kiwi currently living in Adelaide, South Australia. I’m in my late twenties, though I won’t bother being specific because sooner or later I’ll have a birthday which will make my about-me misleading until such time as I remember to change it. In my spare time, of which I have a lot, I write. I entertain no delusions of grandeur but I do hope one day to be published. Also, I enjoy sunsets and walks on the beach.

Not really. It just seems the thing people say in this sort of situation.

That’s probably about all you need to know but this page is looking a little spartan. Rather than end abruptly here, I shall instead leave you with a handy how-to guide for a (relatively) bloodless coup.

How to steal a title in six easy steps.

Step 1: Convince yourself you deserve the title / crown / throne far more than the current holder. Use whatever method works best for you.

Step 2: Figure out a new title for the current holder. Make it one which, while it offers no real authority, sounds awfully tempting.

Step 3: Come to love the word “usurper”. That’s what you’ll be, and it’s what you’ll be called by some backwards-minded people unable to let go of the past so they can move into the future. Redefine the word. Usurper must no longer mean, “one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another.” It must mean something more along the lines of, “the person who really deserved the title in the first place.”

Step 4: Slowly stop calling your soon-to-be-fallen rival by the title you covet and start referring to them by their new title. This way you can make sure it’s one they like. If it’s not, find a new approach and try again. Repeat this step until you find something that works.

Step 5: Quietly go around registering yourself in every new shiny to catch your eye, under your new title. This will prevent opportunists from making their own moves to fill the new power vacuum you’ve just created.

Step 6: Declare yourself. If anyone says, hey, I thought (your now-fallen) rival was (your new title), just tell them, yes, but (your now-fallen) rival abdicated in favour of being (your now-fallen rival’s new, imaginary title).

And that is how I claimed the title of Queen Neurosis from my sister, Young Boobs.

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